Writing for me
I used to write for you. I used to work so very hard to impress you, to make you think, to make you admire anything about my life. How many countless posts I have simply deleted because it didn’t make the “cut”. Perhaps these stories were too mundane, or perhaps I was too consumed with where your interpretations of my writings would lead you to judge me. My Pastor recently said You cannot truly serve someone if you need them, their affirmation, their acceptance, their awe. In a strange way I used you, whoever “you” are, to make me feel loved, accepted, creative or smart. I gave you a lot of power. The amount of stress burned through every agonizing sentence simply and finally crippled any form of creativity to write further, what began as joy became drudgery and painful. Thank you Amanda Martin for shedding light to my procrastinating perfectionism. So it is in this new found freedom I am going to finally just write, for me. Because I really have something to say even if it is only to me. My own form of preaching to myself, that I may not ever forget all that God has done in my life, through me or for me. So if you happen to read this blog, great, thanks for stopping by and being interested, even better if God was able to speak to where you are in your life. But if He doesn’t or you just don’t appreciate my thoughts or writing, so be it. This isn’t for you, this is for me.
